Early childhood experiences shaped my life

Is it nature or nurture? Is our life shaped by our genetics or our environment. I have been always labelled as 'shy' by others but never knew why I couldn't open up. Having researched and gone through self development our childhood experiences play a role in our life. I have been diagnosed with various mental disorders throughout my life such as social anxiety disorder, avoidant personality disorder, autism etc and struggling to keep relationships. I was a bit of a loner throughout my teenage years. I wasn't doing the usual things like others do. Receiving hypnotherapy at around 18 years old helped me in terms of going out to social events, working and being around others. But there was still big issues in terms of creating relationships. I would attend courses but still never really make friends. In the end I would drop out and blame others etc Struggling to understand what was wrong with me. Asking myself why can't I make friends like others. Why are others looking down on me? I never realised it was me and my actions. My akward smile, lack of eye contact, my low pitched voice. Essentially it was my body language. In adulthood as I gained more experiences I began to realise my behaviours were repelling others. I didn't want to open up and make friends. I have big issues with talking to others and creating a 'connection'. Listening to others and having a heart centred presence is important in building trust and bonds. I sometimes avoid this due to my nature. It is getting easier as I get older (37 years old) to learn basic trust etc. I am heavily influenced by the inner critic and swayed by others. There is a big worry and pressure from family to open up about things online. I struggle now to write this blog because of all the conditioning. We are influenced by our environment from an early stage in our life. Everyday is a struggle with our ego. Do you relate to this? Leave comments and message me?